The tree stands firm providing shelter, shade, light throughout the seasons. How I feel for that tree. The branches reaching up for the sky, is it in despair or wanting to get away?
I have to say that I've been feeling restless, looking around my house and trying to be on top of getting it ready for staging and becoming a show home to potential buyers. The trouble is, when you don't like a house, and in fact, never have, it becomes one huge chore. No matter how many times I decorate or clean, it still isn't home and my inspiration has become dry and fragile.
The quirkiness of old Sweetbriar Cottage compared to the modern unimaginative rooms of our current house is depressing, especially when I realised the other day that it is coming up to 14 years! We came here to bring up the kids and that's exactly what we have done, but they as well as me have disliked the village and house for many years. Gradually the old neighbours are moving out for the same reason and the new are moving in, once again with very young children to start primary school and go through their schooling years. It's time to go and find a place with views, fields, a large garden (like Sweetbriar's), quirky rooms and of course a room I can convert into a book lined study for me! Maybe this is why I have been feeling very down lately and want to escape.
The London fix is still unattainable at the moment and I feel trapped in every way. Isn't it hard when you feel like this? Nothing feels right and, in my case, you realise that what ever you do is for someone else. I found when I had the foot surgery that no matter how much I have helped others in the past, hardly anyone helped or contacted me. In fact I was still the agony aunt and having to smile through the pain while I dealt with their problems! And so, during January there was a lot of deleting going on, old friends and family were blocked from my phone and deleted from the awful Facebook - and yes, I feel so much better doing it and saying "no, I didn't know" (I would like to say "and I don't care!"). This is very not me and can only say it must be my age and the fact that I am tired and exhausted by doing things for others ALL the time in an environment that I feel trapped in. I would love to just pack my bags and just go. Jump in my little car and stop when the tank is dry and start again - making sure the battery for the camera and the laptop were with me!
I am just rambling and licking wounds today, things are very grey in the Sweetbriar Dreams corner right now and I hope to kick this into touch soon. Maybe with the new shoots appearing things won't seem so bleak and my heart won't be on my sleeve.
Lovely photos. Right now the giant Colorado Blue Spruce in our yard is flapping around. We are having 60 mile an hour wind sheers today in Colorado. I shall miss this tree when we move but our new home in Missouri has a very old cedar which is charming! Trees are so important. We always count on them to "be there" for us! All your photos are wonderful!
ReplyDeleteHello Chel, I wish you luck with getting the house ready for a buyer and that you find a nice new home to look forward to. I hope this is just a faze for you and things will look up and get better. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Julie xo
It's transition Chel....sounds as if your new vista will be amazing, and just what you want it to be...a house with feeling, and soul is in your future.
ReplyDeleteJen
I definitely think that a new canvas is needed. Maybe your recovery is taking longer than expected and besides, it's been winter. And I agree about the fair weather friends. At times like that you realize who the real friends are. Moving (or moving house, as you guys say) does sound like a great idea. I hope things start looking up.
ReplyDeleteI do have to tell you a little story though. When my hip was (and still is) giving me grief and we were scheduled to visit England last March, I was bemoaning the fact to our daughter, worrying about being in pain while in your country. She said, 'So Mom, tell me, would you rather be in pain in England or in pain at home?' That settled it. LOL
May some beautiful blossoms and warm breezes appear in your life SOON!
I have been like this before to , I got out of touch with some old friends and family members that all were me'ers I call them never thought of anyone but them selves yet expected everyone to be there for them no way nope not having it so off I went . I was raised on a farm and have always loved the country but times had me live in the city and I hated it I cant even stand visiting the city I like my little old farm towns with local shops , I felt like you are now , now that I am retired the move back to the country in an old farm house with fields in a valley and nature all around me is where I belong I am home now . Hope you find your peace and home soon . Thanks for sharing Lovely photos ! Have a good weekend !
ReplyDeleteHope you can sell your house soon and find a lovely 'sweetbriar' place instead. Working on a new future will cheer you up.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Snarf to Tia.
I hope you're finding soon the right buyers for your home and can find as soon as possible the home of your dreams, my darling, I think it's too bad to live in a house you don't love and you don't feel yours ... I do understand your feelings ... I hope that this sad moment is going to finish quickly, darling !
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the remainder of your week, sweetest Chel,
sending love to you
Dany
Wow - you have a lot on your mind at the moment, Chel. I feel even worse than I did before about not visiting you (and others) as often as I'd like. First off - that initial picture is a peach: not a peach tree - a peachy photo of a tree; beautiful. All sorts of cliches spring to mind about new brooms etc - all of them true. As for friends and relatives - pah! Sounds as though you've sorted the wheat from the chaff. But are you able to do as you say, leap in the car for a weekend with Mr Sweetbriar, point in any direction and find a nice B&B somewhere you haven't been before...? You take care. My father used to say, 'Nil illegitimus carborandum'..! Latin wasn't his strong point, but it's good advice anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure once we turn the corner into springtime you'll feel your spirits lifting again and enthused about the prospect of moving to a property that is more "you". Don't worry about London, it's not going anywhere and waiting patiently for your next trip (incidentally, I was there last week-end and it was so cold and wet by the river, I just wanted to get home again, which isn't like me!)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the house selling, Chel. Hopefully it'll be done quickly and easily and you'll find your new version of Sweetbriar Cottage. :o)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are feeling down and that your friends and family have not been supporting you, that is so sad. I hope that the sale of your home goes well, and that you find a wonderful new place to live and enjoy and make a fabulous home, there are lots of great possibilities to look forward to! Love and hugs to you, and sorry that I don't always get by straight away and don't e-mail more, it doesn't mean that I don't care of think of you because I do. xx
ReplyDeleteIt's February. It's cold and it's wet and a lot of us are feeling the same. Trapped not by foot surgery but this truly ghastly weather. Hang in there Chel. You will heal and the sun will come out. Things will look different then. Good luck with the move too... Think of a new Sweetbriar just around the corner.
ReplyDeleteThe awful season doesn't help, does it? I do hope you find somewhere lovely, a place where you can step into the house and feel it breathe with you.
ReplyDeleteDear Chel, Hard times does double the worries, especially when needing to deal with pain, loads of things to do, and only two hands and feet that need healing! I wish I owned a teleport - I would come right away with a tea pot or coffee can and the cookies I baked today (we're having winter break so there been time to bake etc.) The feeling of being stuck at the house, one is about to grow out of on the top ... Sending you bunch of warm thoughts and I hope there comes a buyer around, that wants the house exactly as it is (a handyman who just loves makeovers).
ReplyDeleteNina xx
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ReplyDeleteI do hope this is a passing phase and spring will lift your spirits and dreaming about the future home even more. That is what kept me going. I loved my house but the mere thought of moving from a spacious country house with lots of stuff to an apartment in a town exhausted me and postponed putting the house on the market at least for a year. Clearing the place out was hard work lasting for months not to mention the hardships of the removal. I am still working on the excess stuff (or should be) but we are most happy with our new home.
ReplyDeletePoor Chel. Bless your heart. I've been at that point too. Maybe these feelings happened because you're out of pain and can focus on what's truly happening in your life. Sounds like some have been abusing your friendship and kind nature. If so it is time to move on then. Find that cozy corner of lovely England that rejuvenates the soul. I'll pray with you for something good to happen and you be on the look out for God to guide. HE always does to those who trust Him. May I also ask that you pray for our Nation? We are in terrible straights and this election is "everything" right now. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteHope your day is blessed. Hugs for little Tia. ~:)
You are ready for a change and it sounds like you are doing what you need to do to make it happen. I hope and pray things work out that you can move...and move on. I've had to let a few people go along the way to keep the negativity out of my life. What a difference it makes. And you need to love the place you call home. I'll pray for you my friend. Sweet hugs, Diane
ReplyDeleteHi Chel,
ReplyDeleteI will share with you my week. My son was sick, not fun. He missed the toilet by a foot, and threw up all over. What a mess. And it is always hard to have a sick child.
To top it off, I have been working on expanding my Fresh Cut Flower business. I called our local Farmers Market and ended up speaking with a very rude women. Who told me, they had enough Fresh Cut Flower vendors!! Not even asking my what kind of flowers I grow or if I had a specialty flower (which I do)!!
So I hear ya!! I was so upset, I was ready to move too, because this is not the first time I have hit road blocks in this area we live.
I also understand the friend situation!!
Sending a HUG!
Carla
You sound so dejected, Chel. I can see that you are really down in the dumps about the house, your future, your current recovery and lack of support...you've had quite a time lately. Deleting, editing people from your life who are negative or disappointing can be liberating. I've actually been trying to reacquaint myself with some friends I've let go of...I get so lonely in the winter months and don't realize I've let go of good friendships.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a lot of luck and am sending love to you.
Jane x
Hang in there - things will get better! We all have our trying times.
ReplyDeleteYour photography is beautiful as always. I'm sorry you haven't gotten much help. I got rid of the negative, life sucking people in my life when I finally figured out they only wanted someone to whine to. Yuck, no thank you. Bleak days on top of a surgery that doesn't allow you to get out and about is a real downer. I hope you can sell your current place and find the perfect spot. I'm looking forward to seeing what you find. Hugs for you. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAt 50 that time of life hit me and I felt exactly as you do. I found it easy to feel tough about others and how they angered me. I felt the need for independence and change. Moving to a new home would have been super exciting to me although my attitude may have been challenging to husband to get through it. Dive into this with optimism and know in the end you'll have moved to something you really wanted and will have a chance to start anew!
ReplyDeleteAh Chel, you ARE going through a rough patch. I feel for you and wish I could come by and take you out for a drive and a cup of tea. A house sale and move will do you good - make a dream come true and start new projects just for yourself. It sounds like it's been good for you do a little 'house cleaning' in the dependent friend department - don't apologise, just go forward. I wish you luck with the staging - keep your eye on the horizon and dream of a new cottage. It will happen!
ReplyDeleteChel, Hope this time will pass and things will start being better. Finding a new home will be a positive move! Thinking of you with good thoughts!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Jody
It is totally OK to be where you are and feel the feelings you feel. Don't apologize for them just know that every season is a needed one. We all go through rough times, I know when I had the mumps about 8 years ago, I had no help and it was totally not feeling good and even though my husband tried to take care of me, it was my journey to heal and it was hard. Take care and know 'spring is just around the corner.'
ReplyDeleteOh, those about-to-burst shoots are a sure sign of promising new beginnings. It'll be fascinating to find a new place to call home. By the way, I was in holiday this week and took the leisure to not call any of those people I usually call to know how they are and if they need any help. And you know what? Not one of them seem to have been worried about me!
ReplyDeleteHi Chel, it was great to hear you letting some things off your chest ;) I believe it's always better to spout off a bit when things become overwhelming. A blog is a great place to let it out because you will hopefully get some positive feedback too. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, and getting your house ready to sell is a huge stress factor. I hope there's not too much you need to do to get it on the market, hopefully just clearing things away and keeping it clean are the worst of it. Or do you have to paint some rooms? I'm sorry that the people around have not offered any help to you when you needed it most. You've probably always been there for them and they just don't recognize you needed a helping hand. Good for you for tossing Facebook! I did the same thing a few years ago when things were becoming ridiculous and all I felt was sad when everyone else was passing around really stupid comments. I felt like I'd gone back to primary school and was the only one not invited to a birthday party. I too have felt an overwhelming desire to just walk away from it all. The last couple of years have been very trying, but things seem to be getting better now. I've been doing some major decluttering in my home, and I think this has helped me immensely. It's all tied into clearing out my parents' home and other family squabbles along the way. You will get your house in order and prepped to sell, and hopefully the excitement of looking for your new home will brighten your days very soon. You just need to focus on this unhappy task of preparing your house now and push through it. You can get it done :) I'm rather envious of you with the prospect of moving because I would love to move out of this neighbourhood and out to the country myself. I love my house and garden, but not the neighbours who all seem so catty and unfriendly. Fourteen years is a long time to be in a house you don't love. I've lived in this neighbourhood for 21. You will find the right home for you though, I'm sure of it! Hugs to you and keep your eye focused on that new country home ... especially that book-lined study!! Take care Chel,
ReplyDeleteWendy xox